Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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