Tell her she can't have a vagina
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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