You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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