He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
