i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
