So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
