Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
