just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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