he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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