i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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