He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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