About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
