At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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