i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
