I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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