Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
