I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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