I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
