my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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