So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
