Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
