It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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