I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
