Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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