If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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