Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
