also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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