I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
