his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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