I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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