If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
