I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
