I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
