oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I DEMAND FORESKIN
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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