I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So apparently I’m into choking now
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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