do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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