we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
