If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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