Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why are your pants in the freezer?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
