Soap is not a condiment
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
