when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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