Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i now understand why vodka
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
