So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
