I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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