Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
