walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
dude. I can hear the air.
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