oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
