Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
