I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
