Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
