Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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