You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
