so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
