I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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