I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
