You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
